well, maybe not according to Maria Schriver. Four kids and 25 years later they are calling it quits. Seems like more and more people are getting divorced later in their married careers. Yes, "careers", after-all, marriage is a lot of work. Most recent stats show that 37.7% of all marriages won't make their 30th anniversary. ....like Arnie and Maria. More and more people over 40 are getting divorced. Because of this, typically, there are children involved so the family dynamic is changing. It's not so weird to have step-sisters and half brothers and even more than a couple of parents.
Along with the changing family dynamic, one might experience different needs for couples and many of them are financially based. Amongst the considerations is the kids from previous relationships, age differentials and staggering retirement considerations, current expenses and who's kid is going to be supported through their education and to what extent? With a potential 'brady bunch' financial commitment, retirement plans may seem to be....well....non-plans.
So what's the message here? Planning, planning, planning. I think it's important that the whole family unit is on the same page. It's also helpful if "Mom" and "Dad" tell the kids their plans...and why! The conversation could go a little like, "Son, I can't pay for all of your education but I can contribute. If I pay for all of it then I can't afford to retire until I'm 75 or I'll have to live in your basement in my old age." I think then, the kids 'get it' and the parents have set the boundaries and expectations. Withe the potential of a large family dynamic and many needs to consider.........the conversation should be key.
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Friday, May 20, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
The Debits and Credits of Divorce
The financial aspects of a divorce can play out differently for every divorcing couple. At a time of high emotion you may want to protect yourself, financially by making some prudent choices. Your bank ~ you want to make sure that they know about your situation. Any money held in joint accounts likely only needs one signature to withdraw so you want to ensure you take your half out and place it in an account in your name only. Ensure the bank also puts a hold on any credit cards that you jointly share. Those country songs about seeking revenge and making the other spouse pay through reckless credit card spending came from somewhere. You want to make sure that it doesn't happen to you. Remember, you are still jointly responsible for that debt. That means that even if your spouse is not paying the monthly payments on those credit cards...you should. Any repayment can, hopefully, be settled through the separation agreement as part of the negotiation. It's better to do it that way than end up alone with bad credit. Another good exercise would be to close any credit cards you don't need.
Remember those investment accounts, especially the registered ones? Registered Retirement Savings Plans and Registered Pension Plans (as well as Tax-Free Savings Accounts) often ask for the account holder to determine a beneficiary. If you chose your spouse you may want to contact the financial institution managing these accounts to change your beneficiary.
Now that you have looked after the registered savings what about the regular savings investment s that you have? Those assets and their distribution are covered in your Will so you will want to re-write that too.
Your not finished yet....while you are re-writing your Will you may want to consider re-writing your Powers of Attorney (PA). Your PA covers both medical and financial matters should you become incapacitated. The last thing you want is your spouse to be calling the shots with the doctor as to your care, if you can't speak for yourself!!!
Remember those investment accounts, especially the registered ones? Registered Retirement Savings Plans and Registered Pension Plans (as well as Tax-Free Savings Accounts) often ask for the account holder to determine a beneficiary. If you chose your spouse you may want to contact the financial institution managing these accounts to change your beneficiary.
Now that you have looked after the registered savings what about the regular savings investment s that you have? Those assets and their distribution are covered in your Will so you will want to re-write that too.
Your not finished yet....while you are re-writing your Will you may want to consider re-writing your Powers of Attorney (PA). Your PA covers both medical and financial matters should you become incapacitated. The last thing you want is your spouse to be calling the shots with the doctor as to your care, if you can't speak for yourself!!!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Divorce? Remarriage?
Remarriage? Who wants to think about the legalities of anything past signing the new marriage certificate when you are getting married again? For most, remarriage is a significant turning point of a renewed beginning with all the hopes and dreams that most of us lost during divorce or widowhood, hopefully, with the lessoned learnt from the first experience.
Who wants to think about legals issues and considerations of the impact on others when we want to be selfish and focus on our 'special day'? Before walking down this isle or, if you prefer, standing on a beach or overlooking a volcano to say your wedding vows you may want to consider the complications that might arise which may cloud your bright, shinny future. Ben Franklin said, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure". In this case having your remarriage legal issues well in place before you promise the rest of your life to another may add to the relief allowing you to actually enjoy your 'special day' and save you a lot of money should the unthinkable come to fruition.
Here's the link to my story......it may save you a fortune and your family many headaches to ensure you have everything well plannned out beforehand and that your estate is actually handled in the way you had intended it to be handled.
http://www.advisor.ca/advisors/news/industrynews/article.jsp?content=20100712_093205_4840
Who wants to think about legals issues and considerations of the impact on others when we want to be selfish and focus on our 'special day'? Before walking down this isle or, if you prefer, standing on a beach or overlooking a volcano to say your wedding vows you may want to consider the complications that might arise which may cloud your bright, shinny future. Ben Franklin said, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure". In this case having your remarriage legal issues well in place before you promise the rest of your life to another may add to the relief allowing you to actually enjoy your 'special day' and save you a lot of money should the unthinkable come to fruition.
Here's the link to my story......it may save you a fortune and your family many headaches to ensure you have everything well plannned out beforehand and that your estate is actually handled in the way you had intended it to be handled.
http://www.advisor.ca/advisors/news/industrynews/article.jsp?content=20100712_093205_4840
Monday, July 19, 2010
The Collaborative Movement in the GTA
Collaborative divorce sounds like a juxtaposition of terms but this divorce process can save lives! OK, that may sound a little dramatic but, in reality, it is the quality of life going forward, especially for children. There are many different divorce processes which I have explained in an early blog so I won't g through the detailed description of each but rather focus or highlight what the collaborative process is all about.
Each couple must sign the collaborative agreement or a participation agreement. In the agreement each spouse promises to be upfront, honest, respectful and most importantly not go to court. Both spouses must retain a collaboratively trained lawyer and, initially meet with their newly retained legal council. The first 4-way meeting which consists of both spouses and their lawyers discusses the process, how it works and the rules of conduct.
At the second meeting the issues are brought forward. Every divorce is different and some couples may agree, for example, on the financial issues and custody issues but not on access issues (access to the children). Wherever there is disagreement that is where the couple and their lawyers work to some form of resolve. The reason the lawyers are there is to ensure that the spouses are being fair to one another from a family law perspective. Sometimes people feel they will give away everything to make the divorce issues go away but later live to regret the decision. Lawyers help to ensure the fairness prevails and also correct any misconceptions. Collaborative divorce embraces the interdisciplinary model which simply means that other professionals may be invited to join the group. Often family professionals are necessary when access issues are at the forefront. They can work out parenting plans with the couple. Often times financial professionals can be brought into the group to help with budgeting issues and also to ensure that the assets you want to keep are the assets you can afford. Sometimes spouses will give away retirement funds, for example, to keep the house but they can't afford to keep the house and they have to work all their lives as they cannot afford to retire. Often there are solutions available at the beginning of the divorce that would negate these future issues.
What is really important in the collaborative process is that despite the bad feelings each spouse has for one another during this time because they have treated each other respectfully they can continue to co- parent after the divorce is over. There are studies that show that affectively co-parented children grow up to be just as stable and 'normal' as children of couples who remain together. High conflict divorces always create problems for children. Sometimes they are manipulated by one parent or the other and grow up to resent the parent who did so when they are old enough to understand. These children often end up with issues that they grapple with well into adulthood. So, therefore, my statement that collaborative divorce can save lives.
If you are going through a divorce or thinking about it here are some links to the GTA lawyers, family professionals and financial professionals who are collaboratively trained in this area.
www.peelcollaborative.com
www.collaborativepracticetoronto.com
If you are out of the Toronto area there is an international association that provides names of professionals as well as links to local groups.
www.collaborativepractice.com
These website also have a large amount of information available about the collaborative process.
Each couple must sign the collaborative agreement or a participation agreement. In the agreement each spouse promises to be upfront, honest, respectful and most importantly not go to court. Both spouses must retain a collaboratively trained lawyer and, initially meet with their newly retained legal council. The first 4-way meeting which consists of both spouses and their lawyers discusses the process, how it works and the rules of conduct.
At the second meeting the issues are brought forward. Every divorce is different and some couples may agree, for example, on the financial issues and custody issues but not on access issues (access to the children). Wherever there is disagreement that is where the couple and their lawyers work to some form of resolve. The reason the lawyers are there is to ensure that the spouses are being fair to one another from a family law perspective. Sometimes people feel they will give away everything to make the divorce issues go away but later live to regret the decision. Lawyers help to ensure the fairness prevails and also correct any misconceptions. Collaborative divorce embraces the interdisciplinary model which simply means that other professionals may be invited to join the group. Often family professionals are necessary when access issues are at the forefront. They can work out parenting plans with the couple. Often times financial professionals can be brought into the group to help with budgeting issues and also to ensure that the assets you want to keep are the assets you can afford. Sometimes spouses will give away retirement funds, for example, to keep the house but they can't afford to keep the house and they have to work all their lives as they cannot afford to retire. Often there are solutions available at the beginning of the divorce that would negate these future issues.
What is really important in the collaborative process is that despite the bad feelings each spouse has for one another during this time because they have treated each other respectfully they can continue to co- parent after the divorce is over. There are studies that show that affectively co-parented children grow up to be just as stable and 'normal' as children of couples who remain together. High conflict divorces always create problems for children. Sometimes they are manipulated by one parent or the other and grow up to resent the parent who did so when they are old enough to understand. These children often end up with issues that they grapple with well into adulthood. So, therefore, my statement that collaborative divorce can save lives.
If you are going through a divorce or thinking about it here are some links to the GTA lawyers, family professionals and financial professionals who are collaboratively trained in this area.
www.peelcollaborative.com
www.collaborativepracticetoronto.com
If you are out of the Toronto area there is an international association that provides names of professionals as well as links to local groups.
www.collaborativepractice.com
These website also have a large amount of information available about the collaborative process.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
How to Divorce?????
Most people panic when they first divorce and their knee-jerk reaction is to hire a lawyer. If you have never been through the divorce experience then talking to friends and searching the Internet become places for advice on where to turn. Unfortunately, hiring your best friend's lawyer who you have heard is good because they are a real fighter may not be your best option.
In a time of overwhelming emotion it is sometimes hard to make a rational decision. Racked with hurt, guilt or both can sometimes cloud judgement and enforce actions that you will later regret. I think it is important to understand your choices so that you own your own process rather than meeting a lawyer who, for example, is litigious and finding that you are paying a lot of money for even more grief...grief that you could have avoided. This may be especially important if you have to continue to co-parent in your post-divorce life.
Some clients prefer the 'per se' method, sometimes referred to as the 'kitchen table' method. I encourage clients to do this if their conversations are open and honest and they can work together in an agreeable manner. If they can figure out how to divide things up and they find it agreeable, that's great! However, I always ask them to get Independent Legal Advice (ILA). Remember those emotions that cloud one's thinking? Giving away the house (literally) because you feel that you were responsible for your spouses hurt feelings will turn to regret once you start to work on your own. ILA ensures that you are covered from a legal perspective and that you are not cheating yourself to what you are rightly due. It also ensures that you are both signing a contract that you understand and that a professional has helped you to think about other alternatives. I have had clients divorce using this approach and it works, in some circumstances.
Hiring that 'fighting' lawyer may be a good choice for someone who needs to be represented by a third person because there is an imbalance in the relationship or a huge sense of mistrust. A litigious lawyer will under turn every possible scenario and fight with vigour....for many hours to represent their client's rights. Although I am not sure that other alternatives would not work for couples who fit in this category.
Mediation is also a consideration. Mediation is when a couple will sit with a mediator and place all the issues to be resolved on the table (custody, access and financial issues) and they will try to get the couple to do a little give and take to settle their separation agreement. The clients come to their own resolve. Mediators can be lawyers but if they are they cannot give legal advice during mediation. There are also many good mediators who are not lawyers. My advice for clients who chose this method is to seek ILA once all the issues appear to be settled.
Arbitration is is similar in that the couple discuss their issues with a professional but the arbitrator will decide how to settle the issues. My opinion is that this is dangerous as the clients do not take ownership in the decision making. There is also a med/arb solution whereby the couple attempt to settle their difference and whatever they cannot settle is arbitrated for them.
Collaborative divorce is fairly new as it came to Toronto in about the year 2000. Collaborative lawyers are trained to approach divorce differently than their litigious predecessors. In a collaborative divorce each person hires a collaborative lawyer and all four meet to discuss the issues. What is important to note is that all participants must sign a collaborative agreement stating that they will be respectful, honest and forthright. Sounds civilized, right? I think this is a great alternative if you are co-parenting after the divorce. Litigation tends to be more of a shame/blame procedure, in my experience. Collaboration does not promote hostility which is carried over in your life after the ink on the separation agreement is dry. What's more is that the collaborative divorce process embraces the interdisciplinary. Collaboratively trained professionals, other than your family law lawyer, can be involved in your process depending on your needs. Family professionals can help develop an access plan commonly referred to as a parenting plan. Financial professionals can help to forecast your financial future with your portion of the assets that are split. Can you still afford to retire? Can you afford to keep the house?
I think it's important to understand that you have choices. In hiring your best friend's lawyer you may get 'sucked' into a process that isn't really suitable for you. I would urge you to 'interview' a few lawyers before you make a decision. If you are looking for a recommendation for a someone to help you with your dispute resolution let me know and I can give you a few referrals.
In a time of overwhelming emotion it is sometimes hard to make a rational decision. Racked with hurt, guilt or both can sometimes cloud judgement and enforce actions that you will later regret. I think it is important to understand your choices so that you own your own process rather than meeting a lawyer who, for example, is litigious and finding that you are paying a lot of money for even more grief...grief that you could have avoided. This may be especially important if you have to continue to co-parent in your post-divorce life.
Some clients prefer the 'per se' method, sometimes referred to as the 'kitchen table' method. I encourage clients to do this if their conversations are open and honest and they can work together in an agreeable manner. If they can figure out how to divide things up and they find it agreeable, that's great! However, I always ask them to get Independent Legal Advice (ILA). Remember those emotions that cloud one's thinking? Giving away the house (literally) because you feel that you were responsible for your spouses hurt feelings will turn to regret once you start to work on your own. ILA ensures that you are covered from a legal perspective and that you are not cheating yourself to what you are rightly due. It also ensures that you are both signing a contract that you understand and that a professional has helped you to think about other alternatives. I have had clients divorce using this approach and it works, in some circumstances.
Hiring that 'fighting' lawyer may be a good choice for someone who needs to be represented by a third person because there is an imbalance in the relationship or a huge sense of mistrust. A litigious lawyer will under turn every possible scenario and fight with vigour....for many hours to represent their client's rights. Although I am not sure that other alternatives would not work for couples who fit in this category.
Mediation is also a consideration. Mediation is when a couple will sit with a mediator and place all the issues to be resolved on the table (custody, access and financial issues) and they will try to get the couple to do a little give and take to settle their separation agreement. The clients come to their own resolve. Mediators can be lawyers but if they are they cannot give legal advice during mediation. There are also many good mediators who are not lawyers. My advice for clients who chose this method is to seek ILA once all the issues appear to be settled.
Arbitration is is similar in that the couple discuss their issues with a professional but the arbitrator will decide how to settle the issues. My opinion is that this is dangerous as the clients do not take ownership in the decision making. There is also a med/arb solution whereby the couple attempt to settle their difference and whatever they cannot settle is arbitrated for them.
Collaborative divorce is fairly new as it came to Toronto in about the year 2000. Collaborative lawyers are trained to approach divorce differently than their litigious predecessors. In a collaborative divorce each person hires a collaborative lawyer and all four meet to discuss the issues. What is important to note is that all participants must sign a collaborative agreement stating that they will be respectful, honest and forthright. Sounds civilized, right? I think this is a great alternative if you are co-parenting after the divorce. Litigation tends to be more of a shame/blame procedure, in my experience. Collaboration does not promote hostility which is carried over in your life after the ink on the separation agreement is dry. What's more is that the collaborative divorce process embraces the interdisciplinary. Collaboratively trained professionals, other than your family law lawyer, can be involved in your process depending on your needs. Family professionals can help develop an access plan commonly referred to as a parenting plan. Financial professionals can help to forecast your financial future with your portion of the assets that are split. Can you still afford to retire? Can you afford to keep the house?
I think it's important to understand that you have choices. In hiring your best friend's lawyer you may get 'sucked' into a process that isn't really suitable for you. I would urge you to 'interview' a few lawyers before you make a decision. If you are looking for a recommendation for a someone to help you with your dispute resolution let me know and I can give you a few referrals.
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